I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
