Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
