apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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