Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My feet surprised me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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