I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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