also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
