3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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