she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
