my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
This house was built for laser tag.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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