Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
