Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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