I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
