there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
