who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
