My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
