Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
