AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
