We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
