Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
