so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is my gift to your gina
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
