tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
