I just cut my nipple shaving
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize