Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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