Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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