I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
