Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
