I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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