When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
