no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
