I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We have started to decorate penises.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
