can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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