When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
