All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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