So drunk its hurt
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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