Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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