I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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