please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
