3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
