She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
