its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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