Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
