Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And then my night got REAL pukey
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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