i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
