Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize