You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
