I wanna bring you to show and tell
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize