I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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