last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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