There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
