If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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