I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
kristin has been a bad kristin
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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