Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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