So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
