Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
