The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
