In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
try to milk me bitch
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