Soap is not a condiment
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
