Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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