Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
