Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She announced her abortion via fbk
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
