I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize