I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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