Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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