I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
is that a dick in a sweater?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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