I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
