why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i think im in europe. pls send help
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
