it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize